I am writing this on the same day I released a new YouTube video. It was the first one I’d released in three months. I’d given up on YouTube three months ago as I just couldn’t find an audience and grow the channel.
I’ve started posting videos again because I’ve accepted my YouTube ‘failure’.
The Released Video
Feeling like a failure
YouTube is two different experiences.
The first experience is about the skill of making and editing videos. This is something you have direct control of. I’ve made tremendous progress on making videos, my presenting skills and how to write them and keep people engaged and all that has had a significant impact on my life and it’s fantastic. I recommend anyone give YouTube a go as you learn a phenomenal amount about yourself in this area.
The second experience is trying to focus and brand your content so that it finds an audience. I’ve had a continual problem with that. I started YouTube again in 2022 because I thought I had a focus and brand that would find an audience having learned a lot more about that area. It didn’t work or I didn’t give it anywhere near long enough to find out.
I stopped because I felt stupid for spending the time doing it and felt like a failure.
Ian O’Rourke, Fandomlife.net
It’s not so much the numbers weren’t growing. I sort of knew that would take time. The problem is repeatedly putting so much effort into the channel when hardly anyone watches it is something I found hard to do. Some people can act and persist as if their channel is massive when hardly anyone is watching. I couldn’t do it. When I put content out there I felt strongly about and presented my ideas and no one watched? I felt stupid for trying.
At least I do. The excitement of creating and releasing the content turns into a weird sort of internalised embarrassment.
Accepting the ‘failure’
One of the aspects of my personality, which is a wholesale positive, is I tend to believe I can succeed if I have enough time to understand, frame and plan. The negative side of this is I believe that so much I’ll keep trying to achieve something if I fail the first time and maybe a few more times as well.
It becomes something I feel the need to break the back of and succeed, almost just so I can say I did it.
Finding a brand and a focus for the channel and a plan to execute fell into that category. I’d fail and keep trying. I think this time I thought I had it nailed but the metrics don’t lie and the journey has been long. I stopped and I stepped back from repeatedly trying to find a model to grow and this made me happier. It actually felt like a big weight off my back.
The ironic thing is I didn’t want the channel to grow that big anyway because I didn’t want it to become something with deadlines, expectations and obligations. I just wanted sufficient people interested in the videos and commenting on them to make it worthwhile. I didn’t want it to become my job or my life.
Happy making videos
I’ve decided I want to make videos, but currently on these terms:-
- I’m not being intentional about channel growth
- I’m focusing on my travel videos
- ‘Studio’ videos are limited to ‘how I did it’ of my travel adventures
- It’s possible I may not get around to the third one
You’ll notice the opinion and idea videos aren’t included. The reason for this is simple: it’s those videos I feel stupid doing when no one watches them. Why? Because they’re made for other people, right? Almost 100%.
When no one listens to your ideas it’s hard to take.
I want people to watch the travel and ‘how I did it’ videos as well, but there is something about these videos that have less of an impact if people don’t. It’s possibly because the travel videos are partly for my own benefit. It’s also because the ‘how I did it’ videos are tutorials rather than ideas I want people to engage with. They’ve also proven some of the more popular videos on the channel and are the primary reason for the little growth spurt over the last few months.
And, Finally…
I’m happy releasing videos and this is a good thing. The channel will either grow or it won’t. It’s had a little bit of a micro-surge while I’ve not been posting. I certainly want to release all my travel content because I enjoy vlogging when I’m out and about and while it isn’t pointless to film and not release it (that’s another topic) it’s better if I do.
You just have to accept a level of ‘failure’ to do it and not keep trying to rise to a challenge because you believe you should be able to solve it. I mean, I still think I should be able to solve it, I’ve just got myself off the cycle of trying.